First post... so may as well make it a summary
2011 was to be the year that I put things right after having a terrible time through injury, crashes, punctures... you name it, it happened. That year I got really down and questioned why I was putting in the amount of hours and hard work in on the bike, for such bad luck and ultimately little success. However, Dave Lloyd, my coach, talked me round in the end. He spent a lot of time with me on the phone, checking that I was OK both mentally and physically. He talked of the problems he faced when a pro, and also as an amateur. A few visits to is home, and a few rides out with him persuaded me it was worth continuing. Come January, I was bang on track, stronger than ever, and the bike was proving a good outlet to vent my frustrations. A good training camp in late March proved that I really was flying, and I was confident of a good season...
However, things have not gone all according to plan. One of the main aims for the year was the Premier Calendar series. Dave was confident that I should be riding these, something I was pleased to here as I had been embarrassed, myself, to ask if he thought I was ready. One of the problems I have faced is a lack of belief in myself when things come down to it. I know I have the ability however, I am too shy in coming forward to tell people "yes, I am ready to do this, and I can do it well". Fortunately Dave, doesn't have that doubt and continues tying to drum it into me. Gradually he is winning the battle, but I think he would like me to have started believing more in myself by now. Perhaps this Blog will help me win the mental battle with myself!
Ultimately though, this lack of confidence, and sometimes over-analysing, when racing has cost me. I simply need to do, rather than think "what if...", and also think "I need to move up the field and go with that rider there" and not "wow, he rides for Rapha-Condor, I'll let him have that gap.... best not follow his attack, I may not be able to cope..." It was this type of thinking which cost me at my first Premier Calendar... the Lincoln GP.
Lincoln GP
This was the first time I had ridden closed roads, the first time in a field of 180 riders, and the first time riding with all the top domestic Pro teams. Nerves, and doubt crept in. As a result, I failed to hold my position in the bunch, and found myself constantly slipping back, and then fighting my way back up the field again. When we hit Michaelgate the first time (the famous cobbled climb) I had slipped back. This meant I got stuck behind crashes, and also slower riders meaning I had to battle up the climb and then chase like a b****rd to get back on. The next lap again, I gave too much respect and the same happened. Seven laps later and I called it a day. There are only so many time you can chase back onto a bunch of that quality. However despite my mistakes, I lasted a lot longer than a lot of people including Ed Clancy. Positives were there to be taken but I let my head drop....
Again Dave saved me, sensing that I had taken a mental kicking, and allowed me to draw out the positives. After, I realised I could ride with these guys, and there was no need to be scared...
East Yorkshire Classic
After a strong late June and early July, where I managed to pick up some good results and some strong performances my confidence was growing. I had been flying in all my training sessions, and flt I could do anything. My entry for the East Yorkshire Classic was confirmed, and this time I was ready. On race day, we got to the start nice and early ready to have a warm up. I had a sore throat, but otherwise felt good. This time, the 'big boys' didn't intimidate me, instead they became tools. If I wanted a good result, I need to be in with them. I felt it was time to prove myself! However, once I hit the road and started warming up, something wasn't right. My heart rate was between 160 and 170bpm! Alright it was a false flat, but I was cruising, and it didn't really drop (as it should) when I turned around. Still, I hoped it would be fine, so I headed to the start. This time, I sat at the front waiting for the off, and stayed there through the neutralised zone, making sure I held my place in the bunch, not allowing myself to be intimidated by elbows or riders leaning on me, trying to work there way through... I'm big enough to intimidate them more! As the race got going, my heart rate was still high, but I was able to follow the wheels well, and as we started hitting the climbs, I sat with Ian Bibby (the Premier Calendar leader). I knew that nothing if a move was to stick, he would be in it! Following a wheel like that also makes life easier moving through the bunch, as long as you follow closely enough, you can nab some of the space he creates. All was going well until the attacks started on the climbs. My heart rate kept maxing out at 194bpm. It was frustrating as I still felt good, but with my heart beating so fast, my legs just didn't want to turn over. I dropped off the back and withdrew after 50 miles of racing.
Yes, I was frustrated and upset, but I was more embarrassed than anything... and also sorry for my Dad who had driven me all the way up, paid for accommodation and stood at the side of the road ready to give me bottles at the feed. I felt like I had let him down. However, this race had gone much better in the sense that I was much less intimidated and held a good position in the bunch. I also knew that I was not 100% fit. I think too many weeks of hard work at shows, and a lot of manual labour work, combined with poor sleeping patterns and huge amounts of travelling have taken their toll - something had to give.
Attempting to ride the race took a lot out of me, and I have felt run down since. However, I am staring to feel better in myself and am determined to have a good close to the season. From now on there's going to be now softness, and I'm going to grab each race by the scruff of the neck - I have nothing to lose. Better not finishing a race having given it your all, mixing up at the front, than sit invisible in the bunch only to sprint for 6th or 8th position. There isn't much racing left to be had, but there are two more Premier Calendars left, so a lot to play for. I know I will be competitive in these one day, so may as well make it this side of Christmas eh?!
Time to smash it!
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